Like Mary J. Blige She's Not Gon Cry...TheKiaXperience

What up Paper Chasers, it's ya gurl LoudPen here. First off, there will be no Buzz-Kill for this week as I am continuing the "What Women Want" series. Today's post comes from the @TheKiaXperience. I met Kia via Twitter and since I love her angry rants, sarcasm, fab personality, and the fact that she's an excellent writer, I asked her to guest post during this series. Please listen up and read carefully, because, I think you will learn from Kia's past hurts if you allow yourself too. And again, you can find her on Twitter @TheKiaXperience.


"Not Gon' Cry"
Mary J. Blige

This song speaks to me in such a powerful way...nothing hurts more than being hurt by someone you've loved AND helped. I've been in a situation where I stood by someone's side, then that circumstance alone started to rot my soul. Perfect "Waiting to Exhale" Angela Bassett moment! Smh.

To sum the story up, I was friends with a guy for 9 yrs before we decided to be together. Totally not the type I was used to, but, he was sweet, always smiling, and hard working. Not too long after we made it official, his living arrangements became bad, and I took him in because he had nowhere else to go. His job wasn't paying much and he low-key hated the fact that I made SO much more money than him. He didn't hate in a bad way, but, he felt bad when I always paid, etc. When he realized he had to step his game up, I supported him through that. He was making pennies at his training for 9 months while I covered the household bills. When he got on his feet, everything was perfect. I didn't slack when he promised he would "take care of me". I continued to work, made my own money.

After 3 years, he let his "upgraded" lifestyle succumb him. He forgot to respect me. His ego was beyond any celebrity. He was no longer humble. He forgot who had his back, who helped him take care of HIS kids (he had 2 daughters from a previous relationship), when he didn't have shit. When I put my foot down, he changed...temporarily. Eventually, he was back on his bullshit. Cancelling our weekly dates to hang with his friends, or "work late", which I found out much later that he was cheating.

This song relates to me heavily because of EVERY lyric stated. I hate the label that's attached to women these days. I learned that I want a man who is already on his journey, not only finding who he is, but where he's going. If I'm doing that, why can't I want the same? It hurt me more with this particular ex (my most recent) because of the labor of love and sacrifice invested. Hearing everyone say "damn, u must love him! U would have never dealt with a bum. Not you!" embarrasses me a little, but I decided that I wouldn't be the type to be superficial and deal with a guy based on his success.He loved me, but forgot to appreciate me.

Everytime I felt like I wanted to cry, I couldn't because I remember that I will be blessed with someone who will appreciate those things wholeheartedly. I also realized when to NOT tamper with a friendship and do things out of pity. Lol! Don't get me wrong, I was in a slight depression...he put a ring on my finger and we planned a pregnancy around this time. It ached knowing that he cheated and made those major plans with me at the same time.

I learned to be careful how to love, how to express it, and lastly, EVERY MAN DOESN'T DESERVE WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER! I keep hearing dudes with their expectations of what they want in a woman...and people tend to embrace it. Yea, it would make a man feel good if his woman cooks, cleans, sucks and fucks him like a champ....but it doesn't mean he deserves that. But if a woman says she wants an educated, structured and refined man....niggas wanna say "she stuck up, or crazy." Haaaaaa!! I have even seen women lower their expectations just for the sake of having a man.....HELL NO!

Don't get me wrong, I love me some ME, but within the last *counting my fingers* 9 months, I've learned a deeper kind of love for Kia. I learned that my tolerance level has diminished. All that energy I put into that relationship, I wasted because I didn't focus any of that on me. So now I have more focus on me. I've analyzed some of my characteristics that I need to work on. I'm also at a different phase of womanhood. I'm more expressive, vocal and prudent.

I'm going to end this, because, LoudPen needs to let the next person post, but thanks for reading. And ladies, LOVE YOURSELF 1st, because it increases your value...and once you love yourself, let that man catch up! If he don't, chuck the deuce!!

Peace Queens! :-*